


House Rules, and Why You Should Sometimes Try To Brake Them

by Eve_Applebottom



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale can resist everything but his husband's temptation, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is a Brat (Good Omens), Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Living Together, M/M, Massage, Neck Kissing, Nudity, Other, Partial Nudity, Smut, Socks, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Strip Tease, Teasing, Temptation, implied light BDSM after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22309120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve_Applebottom/pseuds/Eve_Applebottom
Summary: He really can't help it, it's just his nature. When Crowley is faced with a rule he has to push it, just to see how far he can go before it either brakes or bends. What was Aziraphale expecting really when he tried to introduce a 'no nudity in the living room' rule to their retirement?
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

Living together, cohabiting, was something they both knew would be a little bit difficult. They were two being older than time who had lived more or less alone for six thousand years. They were used to their own space. They were both also (though one of them wouldn't admit it) a bit selfish and (though the other refused point blank to admit it) a bit stuck in their ways. 

That was partly way they both kept their bases in London even after retiring. They had different interest that they kept up. Healthy really. They couldn't spend all their time together, they' drive each other mad -or madder.

Crowley still had his flat from which he tempted and caused mischief. Nothing _too_ evil, just giving a nudge here or there, reminding humans that they had choices they could make and showing them options they might have forgotten about. Hardly really _evil._ If you looked at it in a certain light -a light that a team of highly trained technicians had spent days planing and rigging and also gave you a shot of something strange before they spun you around three times and then removed the blind fold-if might almost be _good._ And that just made it more fun! He also took great delight in helping to spark a number of pointless twitter wars. It was better than reality tv and he'd never thought that was his master piece.

Aziraphale still had his book shop though he had moved some of his more beloved tomes to the cottage. He spent much of his time rereading the classics, eating scrumptious delicacies, and preforming tiny miracles and blessing. Dozens of humans would find that suddenly, things didn't seem so bad and a not-fallen-but-rearranged angel would smile and sip his coco. The book shop still opened at odd hours but had started to sell _fractionly_ more books -it's previous record was less than one a month so not too hard to improve on. Aziraphale had taken on an assistant to look after the shop when he wasn't in London and said assistant had managed to get the angel to take in some more stock. Stock which could be sold -to the right customer of course- without the angel feeling like he was being forced to give away a beloved pet. 

This assistant was none other than Newton Pulsifer. Aziraphale couldn't help but feel that it might be a good idea to keep tabs on the last Witchfinder Private in England -Shadwell had retired and was enjoying his pension- and their close associate (very close if the Aziraphale was any judge) ex-professional descendent and one of the few true witches currently living in England. It also helped that Newt seemed to radiate a field that caused anyone trying to use a smartphone in the shop while he was there to experience unexplainable difficulties. Batteries died, data failed, blue tooth connections disintegrated. Aziraphale could almost believe someone had miracled Newt to his door! Crowley made it very clear that if the angel every brought the young man back to the cottage and he came as much as ten feet near to Crowley's office he would damn him. And curse Dick Turpin too. 

The prohibition on Newt was one of the house rules they had come up with to make life in their country retreat more palatable to both of them. Aziraphale was completely banned from attempting to touch, fix, or bless him, heal, any of the smart devices Crowley had installed. Crowley was not to use book -even Jeffery Archer paperbacks- as coasters. The music of Queen was to be treated like a controlled substance.

They had discovered that it was a very bad idea for Aziraphale to sing along to 'songs on praise' as the celestial harmonies it produced had resulted in the kitchen becoming so bless Crowley had to sit in the garden to finish his morning coffee. He used the time to come up with some very creative methods by which they could deconsecrate the space. The angel was almost certain it would be quicker for him to just remove the blessing in the normal way but Crowley's idea were much more fun. 

It was a Thursday evening when Aziraphale instigated the latest 'house rule'.

"Oh really Crowley!"

The demon opened one serpentine eye. He'd been enjoying a nice nap on the couch in front of the fire, enjoying the warmth on his skin.

"Oh, you're back early. Wasn't expecting you till Friday." He yawned and stretched. It wasn't unpleasant to have his angel a day early but Aziraphale was standing over him, arms crossed, scowling like a teacher who had just come back into the classroom to find that the students had been practicing their spellings by writing very rude words on the black board. "What's the matter?"

"I can see you weren't expecting me!" The angel's hand moved through the air, taking in Crowley sprawled across the sofa. "You're completely nude!"

Crowley looked down. Yes, he had taken his cloth off. He liked to feel the fire's light and heat lick his skin. He didn't know why the angel was acting so appalled, it wasn't like he hadn't seen Crowley's human form naked before. On those occasions he'd rather given off the impression that he liked the view.

"Not nude, wearing socks." Crowley waved his stockinged toes incase Aziraphale had missed that. 

The angel eyed the black sock that reached half way up his calfs. "I can see. And that fact only serves to highlight the rest of your nudity." He paused. "Why are you wearing just your socks?"

"My feet get cold." 

"Really you are impossible!"

The angel turned away with a frustrated sigh and Crowley was about to ask exactly what about him wearing socks had Aziraphale's knickers in a twist when something warm and soft landed on him blocking out the light.

It was a blanket. It was of course tartan.

"I'm not the one throwing, what you call 'em, coverlets around!"

"And I'm not the one sitting bollox naked in living room in my socks!" Crowley was about to point out that A) he hadn't been sitting he'd been lying, and B) you couldn't be naked if you were wearing socks, but the angel didn't give him space to get the words in. "What if someone had walked in? What if we had guests? What would they think?"

Crowley arranged the blanket into a makeshift snuggly toga.

"Well that would rather depend on the guests wouldn't it?"

"You are impossible." repeated Aziraphale heading towards the kitchen to make a stiff cup of tea. "New house rule, no nudity in the living room! And before you argue about your damned socks, I'm starting that in this case nudity involves any displaying of genitals, buttocks or breasts! Or covering those areas in clothing meant only for the bedroom."

Crowley was going to start to argue, it was second nature to argue and arguing with his angel could be so fun but then he thought better. "Deal, new house rule, no nudity as just defined in the living room."

Aziraphale turned and have Crowley a questioning look. The demon was up to something.

Crowley just gave him a smile. "Enjoy your tea." He gathered the blanket around him and made his way upstairs. It was a new rule, and Crowley had a way of dealing with rules. He's push them, explore for loopholes, see how much they could be bent, and then brake them. This was going to be so much fun.

A little while later his voice called down from upstairs.

"Aziraphale?"

"Yes?" replied the angels, sipping his tea as he sat on the couch recently vacated by an almost totally naked demon.

"This new rule, it doesn't apply to the bedroom."

"No, dear, the bedroom and the living room are different places which was rather my point."

"Good. Well, I'm in the bedroom." There was a pause. "And I've taken off my socks."

There was another pause and then the angel was heading upstairs, tea completely forgotten about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The game is on and so is the smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me far too long to get this written. I starting writing it going down one track and it just wasn't working so left it a bit then went back to it.
> 
> I'm sure there are plenty of spelling issues and typos I haven't caught but I just want to get it out. Enjoy the smut!

Aziraphale would have suspected Crowley was plotting something, but Crowley was _always plotting something_ so he didn't worry too much about it. Crowley though was concocting plans for the Great Nudity in the Living Room Caper -he was still workshopping the name, names were the difficult.

He started by testing the rule, and providing a just a little bit of temptation to Aziraphale as well.

After an afternoon spent terrorising the garden Crowley strutted into the living room. There was a glint of not totally honest sweet on his brow and he notice his Angel noticing how his shirt was clinging to him.

"Warm today." He said with studied casualness. 

Aziraphale made a neural noise in response and appeared to go back to his book but his eyes kept flicking up to watch Crowley.

"Must be the influence of our dear god-son, the boy formerly known as the Anti-Christ. Seasonally appropriate weather, always." He undid the buttons slowly, pretending he wasn't extremely aware of the blue eyes tracking every bend of his fingers and slink of his hips as he made his way around the room. "Not that I'm complaining, warm springs and hot summers -could do without winder being quite so snowy but hey, that's why I have an electric blanket and an angel to snuggle- but I do find I'm working up a sweat when out in the garden. Getting all hot and that's a bit of a bother isn't it?"

He watched the faint blush start to rise in Aziraphale's cheeks as he undid the last of the buttons while lauding to becoming _hot_ and _bothered_. He cleared his throat. "Crowley, remember what we said about cloths in the living room."

"What?" Crowley slipped the shirt from his shoulders and did a little twirl. "I'm not braking the rules. I'm not displaying any genitals or baring my arse. I don't have breasts, at the moment, and I'd hardly say the jeans I've been gardening in as 'covering those areas in clothing meant only for the bedroom' do they?"

He enjoyed watching Aziraphale biting his lips as he tried to come up with a suitable retort. Crowley just grinned and tossed his shirt toward him.

"Pop this in the wash will you? I'm off to have a shower. You're welcome to join me, if you're not too busy."

Over the next few weeks Crowley took great delight is seeing how much his sartorial choices could push the new house rule. It was fun seeing just how little he could get away with wearing and how much he could get away with taking off! And it certainly helped pass the time.

Shorts made a brief appearance -no pun intended- but Crowley didn't quite feel comfortable in them. It was very hard to keep up a veneer of 'cool' with knobbly knees exposed to the world, not to mention what kind of socks to wear with them. Both problems where answered by combining black thigh-highs with very short very tight denim cut offs. This though led to a long debate on weather or not stockings counted as clothing suitable only for 'the bedroom'. Crowley arguing that they were a perfectly acceptable item of hosiery to be worn on almost any occasion and in any place, Aziraphale countering that while that my be the case it only remained so if the lace tops of the stocking were concealed under other items of clothing. It was the first good argument they'd had in a month and resulted in both of them getting far too passionate, going into a huff, releasing it was a ridicules thing to argue about, then making up in a way even more passionate than their row. Crowley counted that as a win. 

But after more than a month, Crowley was starting to see he'd need to take a slightly different tact after what he's hoped would be his grand finally did not got as planned.

He wouldn't exactly call it a failure, it had ultimately resulted in the end goal, i.e, Aziraphale removing Crowley's underwear with his teeth before they fucked each other senseless, but that had unfortunately happened in the kitchen and slithery serpent that he was, Crowley couldn't say he'd quite managed to get his Angel to brake is own rule, at least not the letter of it and that was what counted in this game.

It had also had the unforeseen outcome of inspiring Aziraphale to expand their DVD collection, or as he called it 'cinematographic library'. It now boasted nearly ever film noir made from the early 1930's to 1950's as well as a few Frank Sinatra pictures. _Pal Joey_ was a particular favourite and any time Crowley heard his Angel humming "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" he congratulated himself on keeping that suit from 1941. The hat had added a particular stylish flourish to his little 'not-quite-a-strip' number.

But now was time to put his new plan to action and to be perfectly honest they could both do with a bit of distraction at the moment. Things in the human world, well best not dwell on them too much. They couldn't do anything about it.

The night wasn't cold but Crowley had lit the fire anyway. Ambience. He'd toyed with the idea of scented candles but decided against it, might be revealing what he had in mind too soon. The smell of wood smoke would linger in the air with just a hint of suggestion, and that was always the best opening to temptation.

Aziraphale didn't comment on the lit fire when he came in from his study, book still opened in his hand. There was some new translation of something or other and he'd been busying himself with comparing it to the original and to his preferred translation, chuckling or frowning over the semantic difference. Everyone needs a hobby. Crowley had no proof but he sometimes wondered if his Angel might be responsible for certain words or phrases in ancient documents being missing, just so he could have the fun of see what the humans tried to fill them in with. He was just enough of a bastard and a nerd to get a kick out of that.

Crowley was draped over the couch in a manner normally only possible for liquids or cats -who everyone knows are in fact liquid, they've just tricked the laws of physics into occasionally thinking they're solid- and was scrolling through his phone. He didn't lift his eyes as Aziraphale came to sit next to him but did raise his arms to make room for the former angel to sit next to him.

For some time the only sound in the room was the cracking of the fire and soft rustle of paper a page was turned. There was never silence between them, there never had been. Before the air between them had been so filed with things unspoken it was sometimes hard to get a word in. Now, well now they didn't need words to say all those things, and though it was a joy to say them out loud there was also a pleasure in being together and not needing to give voice to those things felt and understood by both. 

Crowley though was hoping to indulge in a few other forms of pleasure that night too and his moment came when Aziraphale paused in his reading to gently role his head to one side stretching his neck. 

"Stiff?" He asked not looking up from his phone.

"Oh, just a little dear boy, nothing really." 

Crowley's hand wandered from the back of the couch to Aziraphale's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Feels tight." 

Aziraphale rolled his shoulders back as if to test and Crowley could almost feel the muscles crunch.

"Let me guess, you sat down to read this morning and then sat still as a literary statue all day? These corporal forms need to be kept moving or they seize up." Crowley now had both hands on the no-longer-totally-angelic bibliophile's shoulders and was working his thumbs into the muscles between the shoulder blades.

"I wasn't sitting still _all_ day." Complained Aziraphale, not at all complaining as Crowley started to massage his neck as well.

"Oh, my mistake. What, did you make the herculean effort of walking 6 steps to fetch a cup of coco?"

"It's 13 steps from my study to the kitchen I'll have you know. And it was tea not coco."

"Hmmm." Crowley was working his fingers small circles up and down the sides of Aziraphale's neck. "Bet you stayed hunched over with your nose in your book for all 13 steps. Take of your jacket Angel, the tweeds too thick for me to really get through."

It was a sign for just how skilled Crowley's finger's were that Aziraphale removed his jacket without a words and let it drop unheeded to the floor by his feet, followed soon by size waist coat.

"Much better." Murmured Crowley as he repositioned himself and got to work on his partners trapezius muscles. 

Ever one for being thorough, Crowley spend a good deal of time easing out the stiffness and braking up the small knots that were forming and was pleasantly rewarded for his efforts by the sounds of half pain half pleasure this elicited from Aziraphale. If he hadn't already had an alteror motives before the little half moans and signs the retired angel made under his hands certainly would have started his mind wandering. 

He let his arms slide around Aziraphale's waist and hugged him close, resting his chin on his shoulder, the perfect position to nuzzle and kiss his neck from. He closed his eyes to better savour the scent of him mixing with the smell of the woodsmoke from the fire. It was a perfect combination.

Aziraphale pressed back against him, tilting his neck to bare it to Crowley, a silent request he happily obliged. He kept his kisses feather light for the pleasure of making him squirm. He traced a finger lightly over his chest through the cotton shirt and again the lightness of the touch was enough to set Arizaphale wiggling and fighting not to giggle.

"Crowley, that tickles!"

"Does it?" He replied. Oh the joys to be had with a ticklish angel in his lap, but those would need to be explored at another time. He walked his fingers down next to the line of buttons. "I imagine your lower back could use some attention too. Take this off for me too? Can't really get to work properly if I can't get my hands on you properly." 

Crowley knew he wasn't exactly being subtle at this point but he didn't mind and neither it seemed did Aziraphale. One by one the buttons were slipped open. It would have happen faster if had four hands not been trying to accomplish the job but that just meant more time for ticklish kisses.

Once the shirt was fully removed Crowley sat back on his knees to admire the sight. Aziraphale hardly ever barred much skin, he never had, even back in times and places when clothing had been seen as much more optional, it just wasn't his style. Crowley jealously guarded the fact that he was one of the few being on earth -or anywhere else for that matter- to get to see him like this.

"Beautiful." He breathed. It was true. Aziraphale's form was generally rather pleasing to the eye, smooth creamy skin with a dusting of light hair on his chest and what Crowley always found to be a rather tempting trail running from his naval to lower parts. His chest was broad and his rounded limbs a perfect mix of soft and strong. But in the firelight, a warm glow seemed to bath him as light and shadow danced and licked across every curve.

"Oh, well," Aziraphale's eyes feel to the floor and he blushed as hot as the embers before he tried to deflect. "You're not so bad yourself really."

"You know Angel, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you really were English the way you react to a complement."

"The pot is calling the kettle black I see, Mr. Don't-Call-Me-Nice."

"Oh shut up and lie on your front."

Arizaphale happily did as he was told and let out a little 'ooh!' when he felt Crowley straddle his hips.

"Everything alright Angel?"

"Oh tickety boo darkling."

"Somebody, you are stiff. How do you let your muscle get like this?"

Crowley if expecting any answers beyond a moan he didn't get one as he started to apply firm strokes along the former Principality's back. By some miracle or other, possibly a slightly demonic one, there was a small bottle of oil that had until that moment been unnoticed on the coffee table. He warmed the oil in his hands before applying it to Aziraphale's skin. He smiled as his hands glided smoothly. Rubbing his Angel with oil always made him think of decadence, of Rome, and of the first time he'd been tempted into trying an oyster. 

Crowley stroked up and down either sides of Aziraphale's spine before moving lowered to gently kneed the lower back just about the corduroy waistband. He made circular patters with his fingers there before sweeping both hands up the full length of the back in a in one fluid moment. Then he work his way down palm spread wide as he massaged the flank before again returning to the point about the waist band. He repeated this again and again, each time letting the back of his polish black nails play tantalisingly over the skin, each upward sweep getting longer until his fingers were ending up entwined in Aziraphale's hair. 

"Still 'tickety boo' Angel?" He asked leaning over to murmur into his ear.

Aziraphale it seemed was not in a state were he felt like making proper works but his "mmmmmm" was defiantly in the affirmative, as was how he wiggled his hips under the secretly-rather-a-nice-person-but-still-claiming-to-be-a-demon Crowley.

Crowley bit his own lip. It was so tempting to abandon the plan now. He wanted to lie full length over Aziraphale and feel the heat and the love radiated into his bones. He wanted to scratched his nails down the creamy expanse of his back and kiss his throat till his squirming Angel begged him to take him to bed and them take him. It was very very tempting. Later. He was so close to completing his Great Nudity in the Living Room caper. He just had a little further to go.

He sat up and Aziraphale whine at the lose of Crowley pressed against his back. 

"I suppose your legs could do with a rub down too." He mused.

He didn't have to ask before Aziraphale was up on his knees and removing his corduroy trousers. He sat back on the arm of the couch as Aziraphale wiggled his way free, enjoying the excellent view of his partners bottom being revealed, hugged snuggly in jersey cotton. Very tempting indeed and on any other night was certain he would have been sinking his teeth into that juicy flesh before kissing better the mark, but this was not any other night, this was the night of his caper and he would remain strong, no matter how biteable Aziraphale's bum. 

Crowley retook his place straddling the angel's hips, this time facing away towards his feet. He was amused to see that Aziraphale still wore his argil socks. Hmm, to leave them put or remove them... For a little touch of irony he left them were they were. Couldn't have his angel's feet getting cold.

He worked his way from ankle to knee on each foot before rearranging his position to tackle the thighs. He coated his hands in more oil before sliding them deliciously over the back of Aziraphale's thighs. The not-fallen-but-rearranged Angel let out a keening whimper as Crowley pressed his thumbs deeply into the muscles on the inner thigh and up under the hem of the jersey cotton boxers. 

"My my Angel, your so tight! I wonder what have you been doing? It seems you really do need be to stretch you out." He started kneading onto the adductor longus muscle. Always a sensitive spot he knew. He also knew that for Aziraphale at least, paying attention to this spot created an exquisite pleasure/pain, the good hurt of a deep massage mixed with the erotism of fingers being dangerously close but not close enough to the groan. He could hear Aziraphale's breath catching as he worked away.

"Let me know how you like it. Is it too much or would you like it harder? The pressure I mean." 

" Oh Crow _ley_!" Pleaded Aziraphale. 

"Yes Angel?" He asked innocently as if he didn't know exactly what he wanted. He even had the brilliant audacity to press an almost chaste kiss onto his clothed bum.

"Oh you feind!" Was the happily trilled reply as Crowley slide his hands further up under the soft underwear and squeezed to handful of heavily soft arse. He started kissing Aziraphale's lower back too, again paying attention to the spot just above the waist band.

"Ssssomething you want?" He let the tip of his tougne flicker against the skin as he hissed.

"Oh damn and bless and everything in-between." Aziraphale had started to try to wiggle off his underwear but seemed to have decided that was too much and miracled them away. He twisted under Crowley so now he was lie on his back, flushed pink in the fire light, and utterly, wonderfully nude expect for his socks. 

He was about to pull into a kiss when the demon-who-only-ever-sauntered-vaguely-downwards sprang from the couch with a cry of "Yes!"

Aziraphale would only stair as Crowley started doing what looked very much like a victory lap around him.

"What on earth...?"

"Naked. Nude. Wearing socks doesn't count! In the living room! Yes!"

Aziraphale looked down at his body as if for the first time noticing he was indeed naked, apart from the aforementioned socks. 

Crowley bounced back onto the couch looked more pleased than even Punch had ever managed.

"You, you- We had a rule!"

"Yep, one you made and you broke."

"You made me."

Crowley shook his head delighted. "Nope. I tempted you to yes, but you took off all important items of clothing by yourself."

"I'm sure you're very pleased with yourself."

"Indeed. Nothing quite like a job well done."

There was a pause.

"Well," said Aziraphale far more primly than anyone in his position had a right to be. "Congratulation. And now you had better finish what you started or I shall become very cross," He pulled Crowley to him and into a deep kiss. Crowley happily went, hands roaming over the naked flesh, enjoying is prize. "In the bedroom."

"Come on Angel, we're already here, it's warm, the fire's romantic..." He murmured as he kissed Aziraphale's ear. "Let me tempt you a little more, hmm?"

"No Crowley, I've been tempted into braking enough rules tonight and I do have some standards I'd like to mention."

Crowley was trying to formulate an innuendo about his standard already being raised and a persuasive argument as to why passionately shagging his husband in the living room was really what good etiquette required at this point, when Aziraphale caught his face in his hand and turned his head so they were looking directly into each others eyes.

"And besides, we never discussed what might be a suitable _penalty_ for braking that rule. And this I'm sure you will agree, is a conversation best suited to the bedroom."

At this Crowley lit up like a jack-o-lantern. 

"Oh you naughty little angel. If I didn't know better I'd almost think you giving not my temptation on purpose."

Aziraphale blushed. "You'll never know." He said as he scampered off to the bedroom but not before Crowley managed to land a light spank on his bare bottom.

"Keep you're socks on. Don't want your feet getting cold!" He called as he followed more slowly, having paused to pick up Aziraphale's discarded clothing.

"I'm hoping being cold is going to be the least of my worries soon."

Crowley smiled happily as he followed into the bedroom. Braking his house rule was turning out to be more fun than he'd hoped for.

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter Crowley brakes the rule and as expected, does it with style. Ideas on how Aziraphale might react?
> 
> Also I am dyslexic, I can't spell, if anyone would like to take on the role of proofing my smut please let me know.


End file.
